I'm a working mom. I have been fortunate to cut back my hours since having Blanche to 30 hours per week. I stay home every Wednesday and every other Friday. My job is flexible enough that I can adjust the days I work as needed. On top of the flexibility, the pay isn't bad either.
And yet, I'm not happy. I don't feel challenged in my work and feel like I'm missing out on my kids. I had considered writing a post about this when I ran across a friend who posted on the exact same topic. It made me feel better that I'm not the only working mom who feels this way.
I'm not saying being a stay at home mom is easy. It's not. And there are many days I am grateful for the reprieve that a job allows. But I feel torn. Just this morning, this was the thought process/conversation that was going on inside my head.
"That job at the state looks interesting. It's in an area that I'd like and it would be a step up professionally.
But I'd have to work full time and the state does 4 10s. Can I really get two kids up and out the door by 6:30 am? Plus it would be a longer commute.
I think I could do that.
Who am I kidding? I can barely get out the door by 8am; I am perpetually late.
Maybe I could hire a nanny. If we had a nanny that came to our house, I wouldn't have to worry about waking up the kids at all. I would just have to get myself up, which is a million times more manageable. Plus, I'd be making more so we could afford a nanny.
(Working the hours in my head) That would mean four days a week I would leave before my kids get up and get home just in time for bedtime. The whole point in cutting back my hours was to spend more time at home, with the kids. I'm able to do that now.
Maybe I should just stay at my job long enough for us to get completely out of debt then stay home. I could stay home for a few years, then go back.
How am I going to stay involved while I'm at home. I need to keep my skills up so I can actually get hired when I go back. How long should I stay home? Can we even afford for me to stay home?
I enjoy working. I like feeling like I'm contributing. I like proving that example to my girls, that moms can be productive members of society while still being a mom.
Maybe I should apply for that job at the state."
Round and round it goes. On paper, I have a great job. Pays well, flexible hours, but I'm not fulfilled professionally by it. If I changed jobs, I would have to go back to full time work, or take a pay cut. There just aren't many well paid part time jobs out there. Working full time means less time with the kids. It makes me wonder how many other women are this plight, or if they have figured out something I don't yet see. It wears me out just thinking about it.
1 week ago